This blog post talks about trust.
Let’s start with the official definition from Oxford dictionary
Truth: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.
Before I properly get into this post, I should definitely point out I’ve lied many times since my dad’s death. Especially from 2010-2014. That was unacceptable and I broke people’s trust. So I’m not mother Teresa on this. I do have a conscience though and quite rightly I will always feel bad about it.
I will say though that I’ve never spread private stuff people have told me. Until today. For one day only and only mentioning one person.
Since a young age I’ve found it extremely difficult to trust or open up to anybody. I’ve always been a quiet lad who observed people from a distance and most of the time I would come to the conclusion that they couldn’t be trusted. That included my mother’s former best friend. I always knew she was a lying bitch and I was proved to be right. Luckily now my mother sees it.
After we lost our dad, his side of the family promised they would be there for us. That was pure bullshit. Another knock for trusting anybody.
I’ve always been extremely cynical of people and then in recent years when people put their trust in me; I’ve completely let them down. Not by spreading private information. Just my cynical side + what I talked about above and the depression would end up with me pushing them away; breaking their trust and confidence in people probably. Incredibly dumb on my behalf.
At the start of 2015, I made a promise to myself to start trusting people more and have some faith in the human race.
It wasn’t like a complete transformation where I’d tell anybody everything about me or everything that’s happened in my life.
So I put my trust in someone. Total and complete faith. From July 2015 to April 2016 I thought I’d made a great decision. Things were good and feelings came in late March. However, things very quickly turned.
That thing told me that she didn’t trust the guy who liked her best friend. He was with someone else while chatting up that things best friend. Classy.
Within weeks it was a totally different story. That thing suddenly turned on me and said I was controlling. All I said I was surprised to see how close they’d become (that thing started calling him her brother lol) because of what that said before and that thing lost it. Dumped me like trash.
That thing then started tweeting lies about me and deliberately trolling me with a guy she didn’t trust weeks before. That thing is a compulsive liar and I’m so disappointed with myself that I fell into her trap. Used me badly and I fell for her lies. I’d trust a religion over that thing any day now and I’ve no belief in it.
It was a very harsh lesson but you live and learn. That thing almost drove me to death. That thing is a walking cancer on this earth. That may seem OTT but after what that thing did; that thing is dead to me. Of course I don’t wish any real diseases/illnesses on the thing but for sure that thing doesn’t exist to me now. For sure I don’t feel angry either. Just disappointed with myself that I believed the things lies.
That thing told me last summer that previously she got really close and almost kissed a guy who was in a relationship. Classy indeed. I think by the end I didn’t trust her at all because of this and the previous paragraphs. The thing has moved on already too. Enough said.
I’m sure many people who will read this blog have had similar issues and got on with this. I wouldn’t call myself normal though. As I said above I’ve found it incredibly difficult in my life to open to people and trust them. This year was a big lesson in why I think like that.
That thing certainly has damaged my trust levels even more. Possibly beyond repair in 99.9% of cases. Hopefully the more meetings with the counsellor and the mental health services will improve that. Even then in my mind I wonder can they be trusted. A vicious circle.
So all I’ll say is this before I end this blog on a positive note: Be very careful who you trust. Don’t tell someone you just met everything straight away. They could turn and use it against you. If you feel like you can’t trust them anymore; walk away. Do not let anyone use you and let them betray your trust. Be very careful. Very.
Finishing on a positive note. There are still trustworthy out there of course. There’s definitely a few I trust to a point.
At the moment there is definitely this one person who I can completely trust and I will until my life is over I hope. We’ve both been very honest about our issues with each other and I have so much respect for this person because it’s not easy to open up. I definitely know that.
This person is the kind of person who I would take a gun shot for; give them a kidney if needed; push them out of the way of a bus to save them and I would take the hit or something crazy like that. I can be a caring bastard at times.
I’ve never told this person that before but that’s how much I trust person and have done since late last year.
So that’s it from me in this blog. Cheers.
Be careful who you trust.