I went on tablets last August after a total meltdown last summer.
But I have to say they haven’t worked very well at all. They’re meant to help; but in my case they didn’t do much at all.
When I started on them the anxiety was very bad and thankfully on that side of things it’s helped. I mean last summer I was struggling to eat anything. I would feel like throwing up all the time. It was falling apart on a massive scale.
Obviously though the tablets were mostly to get my mental health back under control and to try and reduce the severe depression and emotions I was going through. To say last summer was a meltdown would be an understatement. I cracked after 10 years of mental suffering and pain.
But the tablets haven’t helped as much as I thought or I hoped. For sure they’ve calmed my emotions down. The daily crying has stopped; but the tablets have kind of numbed my emotions really. That’s pretty scary actually. Of course I needed to get my mental health and emotions back under control; but it’s gone too much the other way.
I haven’t taken the tablets for a couple of weeks now and weirdly it’s the best I’ve felt in a long, long time. There’s a bit of fire back, a bit of an adrenaline rush and most importantly I feel like I have energy physically and mentally the dark thoughts have reduced massively.
I still should be taking the tablets; but at the moment they just don’t work for me in the slightest. It’s probably better to be off them anyway…. because in the end they can only do so much for you; and you have to try and get better without them so you can live a normal life as possible.
I still have a lot to go because I still hate myself and I still feel stupid in a general sense; but in terms of guilt over my dad’s death and not talking to him before he died, that’s reduced. I’ll always feel some guilt about that and going on a rampage of hurting people emotionally because I was hurting about his death.
Obviously all that and what happened last summer with the way that bitch treated me has left a lot of mental scars. Maybe it was the final karma for me. The scars are something I need to continue to work on. Finding very difficult to trust anyone at the moment. That’s not great obviously and I want to; but my brain is extremely fragile and it may always be.
My mistakes are something I regret more than most. But I’ve owned up to them and it’s better late than never. If you are grieving or hurting, don’t push people away or sudden bipolar behaviour to leave people hurting deeply. It’s not acceptable. Get help if you are struggling. I didn’t and paid the price by losing many people from my life. I got what I deserved. You have to be honest with yourself.
But back to the title. Do the tablets work? Not really for me. If you feel you should go on them, have a long thing about it. Maybe a psychologist is the best option and really working on yourself without them. But for sure they’ve helped me massively on the anxiety side.